we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
