My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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