my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
