You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
