at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Randomize
