oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
