There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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