Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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