the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I've blown a few things in my day
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
