I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
