I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize