I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
