dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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