I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
