..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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