If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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