is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
