Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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