she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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