Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
