You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
