I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
