I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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