I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
