My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
