Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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