I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i now understand why vodka
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
