They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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