the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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