can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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