ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
not ubering you a puppy
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
