Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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