Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
