I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
