I'd wear matching sweaters with you
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
