Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
