What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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