Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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