WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I hate all girls vehemently.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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