I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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