After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
