do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
