i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
