she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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