She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
