when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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