we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
