Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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