i think i have herpe
just one?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
