"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i've created a new STD.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
