Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my shit smells like andre
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
