Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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