I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
