It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
