I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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