you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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