We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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