so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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