Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
