based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
