I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
