Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
