Pappa wants mamma naked
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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