I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
