My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
