my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
