things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's official drugs can't kill me
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You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
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I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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