those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
