Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
