I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
