My brain says no but my pants say off.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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