Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
