I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
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