i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
