Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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