Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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