I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
