I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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