You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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