what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
