I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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