i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
